Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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