It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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