my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
