Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
