i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
