I look better un-naked...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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