You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
