have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
