I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
