i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
