I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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