OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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