so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
