also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
