Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
