you guys were way drunker than both of me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
