The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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