hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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