my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize