I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
