Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
