Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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