Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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