Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
