those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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