yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
