So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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