I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
