I cockslap morals
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
