We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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