Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
