I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
