just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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