Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
