Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
