dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
