The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
