His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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