Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
