we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
