Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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