Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
