had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
