so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
