If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
