I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
