mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
