one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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