Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
