So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
