apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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