side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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