Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
