My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He passed out mid-signature
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
