I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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