I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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