Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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