so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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