Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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