She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
