I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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