was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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