Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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