he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
