I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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