I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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