There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
