Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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