I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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